Well shoot. This is the second time in the same amount of weeks where I have witnessed a minister from my conservative background have issues with posture. When I wrote my original post on this, I was referencing a big blow up that occurred on Facebook when a minister I knew from college made a big mountain about Twitter users wanting to kill Trump (I agree - not a great thing) and a molehill about Charlottesville. I assumed it was unintended and approached his misstep as such. And he totally didn't get it. Hence my post.
Now I have a minister angry about the term "mansplaining" because it's insulting to all men. Again, not a terrible point, but when women responded by sharing their everyday experiences with mansplaining, though he was quick to renounce the way they were treated, he was not able to back down on his supposed insult. He was downright huffy. And here's the thing: both of these men are good men. Men who love God and love people. I have to tell you - I am DESPERATE to see an evangelical man sit down and be taught.
I can't tell you how much my soul CRAVES to see a Christian, conservative, white man humble himself publicly and take constructive criticism.
Let's face it: this ship sailed for me awhile ago. I have left the churches of Christ and all conservative Christianity. And it has saved my soul and saved my love for God. I'm totally not going back to that. But I don't want to see it die. I want to see it redeemed. And it must start with humility. I so desperately want men to listen to women, for white men to listen to black men and on and on. I know it's hard to admit when you're wrong or when you're focusing on the wrong thing, especially when your privilege blinds you and you can't even see it. I get it. I am a total work in progress and I hate being wrong.
But that doesn't mean that you get to stay there. Or if you do, you're on a sinking ship that is pride. Please for the love of God, humble yourself. Let the anger roll off you and take feedback that is kind and honest and fair. Perhaps the pulpit has given you a license to be the one who speaks, the one who's learned, the one with authority. But all great teachers are learners first. Don't just learn the words in the Bible. Learn the world. Learn the people around you. Ask for eyes to see the suffering and then don't minimize it just because it hasn't been your experience. Set your offense down and learn.
I would also like to say that seeing women being judged for using a term that it pejorative (that was the operative word throughout the thread) felt like grooming to me. I only get to air a grievance if I use the words preferred by the abuser. Let me just say -
I get to use whatever words I want to use when I tell my story.
My voice. My words. My story. I can't tell you how much from the time we are tiny, little girls we are taught to cater to the comforts of men. Everything comes down to what men like to see on a woman, what their hair and makeup preferences are, what they like to eat, how they might feel, how you need to behave to make them comfortable whether that mean sit on their lap when you don't want to or make yourself invisible. Frankly, I've had enough. I have never found a man who didn't mansplain be offended by the word because they know themselves well enough to know the term doesn't apply to them. Just like I know the word "cunt" doesn't apply to me. Do I like the word? No, not really. Do I internalize it if I hear it because I'm a woman and that word is only used against women? No. Because I am not a cunt. I'm not sorry that the term "mansplaining" is offensive to men who mansplain because their behavior is offensive. The term reflects that offense. If you're offended by a word that doesn't apply to you, there is no insult. And if it does apply to you, no wonder you're trying to control the narrative. I think you may have just shown your hand. If men would stop mansplaining to women, the word would not exist. Problem solved.
It's not up to women to make men feel comfortable about how they degrade women. Period.