As a perfectionist, I want to categorize everything, particularly as "good" or "bad." Today would have typically been categorized as "bad." I woke up with a migraine and two small children that needed my care. I was able to get Macy off to school okay, but once it was just me and Penny, the adrenaline wore off and I started throwing up. Today is, by the way, the second time in a month that I've been alone with Penny and vomiting from a migraine. I've been working on my migraines my whole life, my most recent effort being a major diet overhaul. So, on top of the pain and nausea, there is a sense of soul-sucking frustration and defeat. I want to feel good. I want to have energy. I want to live my life the way I see fit without always having to think two steps ahead of my body's reactions.
That's the big story of my day. Feeling terrible for most of the day. Being exhausted and discouraged. Missing my husband. Feeling sorry for myself. But the story within the story was this: I am loved. I am not alone. My friend Amy came at the drop of a hat and took Penny to play at her house with just one text from me. That gave me several hours alone to recoup. My friend Jenna knew I wasn't well (we had plans I had to cancel) and left me homemade hot soup (that I can actually eat with my food intolerances!) on my door step right when I felt really hungry. I found out that my best friend in San Diego was having a terrible day and the encouraging book I had bought her on amazon arrived at just the right moment. Once I was well enough to get outside, I realized it was a gorgeous day. I even got to watch my kids play outside with the neighbors for awhile.
And while I can't say today was great, I'm trying to pay attention to the story within the story. In life, perfectly wonderful days (and their counterpart, perfectly ghastly ones) are few and far between. But are there beautiful moments within a terrible day? There are and I don't want to miss them. They make a difference. They tell us something about our lives. For me, friendship has always mattered greatly. So it is no surprise to me that on a day that I feel pain and isolation, my life would reap the rewards of genuine friendship. I'm so grateful for the people in my life.
I hesitated to write this post because I don't want to minimize the truly terrible days. I hate it when people make me feel bad for feeling bad about something that really is to its core, bad. But maybe, after we've already decided we're having a terrible day, we miss a moment of good, a moment where our values and our lives are being reflected back to us. For me, today that means that while my health is unreliable, my friends are not. And that's all the good I needed to feel like I can make it another day.
That's the big story of my day. Feeling terrible for most of the day. Being exhausted and discouraged. Missing my husband. Feeling sorry for myself. But the story within the story was this: I am loved. I am not alone. My friend Amy came at the drop of a hat and took Penny to play at her house with just one text from me. That gave me several hours alone to recoup. My friend Jenna knew I wasn't well (we had plans I had to cancel) and left me homemade hot soup (that I can actually eat with my food intolerances!) on my door step right when I felt really hungry. I found out that my best friend in San Diego was having a terrible day and the encouraging book I had bought her on amazon arrived at just the right moment. Once I was well enough to get outside, I realized it was a gorgeous day. I even got to watch my kids play outside with the neighbors for awhile.
And while I can't say today was great, I'm trying to pay attention to the story within the story. In life, perfectly wonderful days (and their counterpart, perfectly ghastly ones) are few and far between. But are there beautiful moments within a terrible day? There are and I don't want to miss them. They make a difference. They tell us something about our lives. For me, friendship has always mattered greatly. So it is no surprise to me that on a day that I feel pain and isolation, my life would reap the rewards of genuine friendship. I'm so grateful for the people in my life.
I hesitated to write this post because I don't want to minimize the truly terrible days. I hate it when people make me feel bad for feeling bad about something that really is to its core, bad. But maybe, after we've already decided we're having a terrible day, we miss a moment of good, a moment where our values and our lives are being reflected back to us. For me, today that means that while my health is unreliable, my friends are not. And that's all the good I needed to feel like I can make it another day.